This summer, it’s high tide on reality dating shows. FBoy Island is in full swing on HBO Max, The Bachelorette is back on ABC with *two* leads, and the babes of Love Island are already getting randy. Are you ready for another?
Enter Cosmic Love, a trailblazing experiment that premiered Monday on Amazon Prime and seeks to combine the bald sincerity of astrology with the sheer goofiness of the reality TV genre. The rules are both simple and engineered for maximum drama: Four leads, each representing one of the elements, date their way through a shared pool of singles in search of their perfect matches.
The “elements” must overcome their natural (bad) dating instincts to find their astrologically compatible matches. Then the real game begins: Once the elements have confirmed all their matches, they must eliminate those with whom they do not see a future. In the end, the elements will decide at the altar whether or not to marry their soulmate.
There’s just one catch: The contestants our four leads are dating can also (and certainly do) hook up with one another.
Some of our “elements” handle the chaotic setting better than others. Noel, the Pisces with a wandering eye, represents water—and in the six episodes made available for review, he seems to be having a great time. Phoebe, a fiery Leo who craves her matches’ focused attention, struggles a bit more. Representing earth is Maria, an emotional Capricorn who grew up watching Walter Mercado but struggles to trust the “Astro Chamber” (the mystical guide, voiced by Cree Summer, that supposedly shepherds the elements on their journeys). And Connor, a somewhat reclusive Gemini, needs to find a way to overcome his air-sign tendencies to feel more grounded.
As with most of these shows, the mess is by far the best part. As the season’s leads battle against singles in the house for attention, the Astro Chamber often treats these frustrations as challenges to be overcome. It can be fascinating to see how each element communicates with their various dating prospects, especially as they ostensibly try to overcome their usual instincts and habits.
Within this context, astrology becomes a useful tool for self-examination and reflection. More importantly, though, it’s endlessly funny to watch hot, bereft singles turn to a supposedly sentient orb for advice; it simply never gets old to watch someone sit down their group of matches for a town hall that begins with the words, “The Astro Chamber just told me...”
The activities on Cosmic Love range from the usual silly, often bikini-clad games (like painting each other’s bodies with colors representing various virtues) to emotionally intense exercises that ask contestants to dig deep. At one point, a contestant who normally serves as comic relief breaks down in tears while paying tribute to a cousin who died from COVID-19. As often happens in shows like this, some of the efforts feel sincere, while others land more awkwardly.
As intentionally goofy as Cosmic Love can be, a show like this was probably inevitable. Astrology apps have proliferated in recent years—“Are you a Costar person, or are you on The Pattern?”—and Tinder is replete with profiles featuring users’ “Big 3.” (For the uninitiated, those would be sun, moon, and rising signs.) Honestly, it’s a wonder it took this long for someone to spin the mainstreaming of astrology into a dating show.
On that note, this show’s real shortcoming is the one that plagues most of our reality dating content: It’s pitifully, woefully straight. Given the queer community’s embrace of astrology, the compulsory heterosexuality of Cosmic Love stands out even more. Similarly, it’s hard to understand why, like so many dating shows that claim to foster deeper connections, Cosmic Love seems to have been cast with a target BMI bracket in mind.
“It’s hard to understand why, like so many dating shows that claim to foster deeper connections, ‘Cosmic Love’ seems to have been cast with a target BMI bracket in mind.”
As for the astrology itself, the chart readings featured on Cosmic Love do not seem quite on par with, say, Indian Matchmaking in terms of intricacy. But astrology enthusiasts will be relieved to learn that the show does venture beyond the sun sign (useless on its own) to explore the group’s Big 3 signs, North and South Nodes, and more.
I’m guessing, however, that most viewers tuning into Cosmic Love are more passionate about the dating half of its equation; they’re probably not people who are, say, on the hunt for the latest Chani Nicholas book. If you’re looking for another source of reality-show mess, Cosmic Love might just be The One. But be warned: the stars are not for the faint of heart.
The entirety of Cosmic Love is now out on Prime Video and y’all, it’s the wildest reality TV dating show ride since Shake boasted that he had reservations at Nobu after being left at the altar. If there’s a Love Is Blind-sized hole in your life, let Cosmic Love into your heart.
The show’s premise is so simple, it’s shocking that more reality shows haven’t been built around it: it’s all astrology, baby! Cancers go with Virgos and Fire signs need Water types. Bust out those birth charts, discover your rising sign and moon tides, embrace your inner element, and let all of that guide you to the love of your life. If it’s not clear, I know nothing about astrology (and I also don’t believe in it at all). But astrology is obviously something a lot of people devote a lot of time and energy to, and Cosmic Love puts all of it into a blender with some bonkers reality show tropes to create a highly addictive cocktail.
It’s a complex cocktail, too. After all, we live in a post-Love Is Blind world and if your reality romance show ain’t high concept then audiences ain’t interested. So Cosmic Love isn’t just a show where singles are matched up based on their signs and then go on a date to see if any feelings spark between them. No, the show follows four singles — each one a representative of Fire, Earth, Water, and Air signs — as they try to find love amongst 16 other eligible hotties.
It gets more complicated than that. There are actually only four perfect matches for each of the four Elements (that’s what the quartet of lead singles are called… I’m serious). To complicate matters further, the Elements don’t know which four of the 16 are their matches! The matches are revealed one by one by — brace yourselves — The Astro Chamber.
Yes, the Astro Chamber.
Photo: Prime VideoWithin the mythology of the show, because dating shows have to have a mythology nowadays, the Astro Chamber is a being (and a room) who knows all and sees all, at least astrologically. They know all of the singles’ faults and they know the areas that each Element must work on. Bathed in the kind of light show you normally see at a Spencer’s Gifts in the lava lamp and electric ball aisle, the Elements are told by the Astro Chamber which person is a perfect match for them and why. Sometimes that means they are suddenly paired with a single they’ve never talked to before. Sometimes it means that they may be wasting their time dating a non-match. Sometimes it’s wish fulfillment and the Elements are already snuggling up to one of their matches. It’s unpredictable chaos every time.
Oh — and at the end of all of this, there are engagements and weddings planned for the couples. The Astro Chamber is not messing around.
Photos: Prime VideoThe show takes a normal premise and blasts it out of this world with supernatural trappings (the Elements find out who their matches are in the Celestial Sanctuary — what is this, Guardians of the Galaxy?) and a host of rules that human beings are hardwired to completely ignore. Take Connor, one of the Elements; as a Gemini, he’s described as indecisive and shy. Those are two traits that you generally don’t want in the lead of a dating show. Watching Connor try to deal with all of the reality show hurdles set up by the Astro Chamber is painful (but the good kind of painful that makes you hit “next episode” until suddenly the sun’s gone).
Fortunately there are other couples on the show — and, surprise surprise, there isn’t always an Element in the mix! Who woulda thunk that if you put a total of 20 sexy singles in a palatial estate with alcohol and horny energy on tap that they’d all respect the rather arbitrary rules of the game? When people start pairing off on their own, the Elements react like royalty unnerved by a peasant’s revolt. As one Element says, “I’m kind of pissed that Caleb isn’t taking this seriously. We all came in here wanting to be guided by the stars and it feels like Caleb is just playing by his own rules.”
We all came in here wanting to be guided by the stars. Cosmic Love is a gift.
Photo: Prime VideoThe entire show hits Love Is Blind levels of captivating and maddening, especially if you’re a non-believer. For me, it just sounds like the Astro Chamber is inventing more and more complicated astrological designations to determine why, like, a Leo and a Taurus don’t match in this case but do match in another case. You’ll be screaming at the screen as people decide to stop pursuing a clear romantic attraction based entirely on their sign. It’s fantastic.
Even though I don’t believe in astrology, there is one bit of cosmic matchmaking that I can get behind. When it comes to Cosmic Love and viewers who love chaotic dating shows, it’s a match that was written in the stars.